So, you just got back from a first date, and the excitement you hoped for wasn’t there. Maybe you’re thinking, “Well, that was kind of underwhelming… should I go out on a second date?” My answer? Absolutely, yes!
But before you start thinking I’m crazy, there’s a little psychology behind it that might just change your mind.
Let me introduce you to this cool phenomenon called the Mere Exposure Effect. Basically, the more time you spend around someone, the more likely you are to develop feelings for them.
Think of it as a slow burn. It’s all about familiarity—getting comfortable with someone over time. The fireworks might not be there after date one, but sometimes, it takes a few encounters for those sparks to really catch fire.
Also Read | 50 First-Date Conversation Topics and Questions
Why the Mere Exposure Effect Works
This isn’t just some matchmaking mumbo-jumbo—science backs it up! The Mere Exposure Effect applies to almost everything in life, not just dating.
We naturally start to like things we’re exposed to repeatedly. It’s why you’ll hear a song on the radio that’s just meh at first, but after hearing it a few times, you’re belting it out like it’s your new anthem.
For example, my son recently made me listen to this song ‘Espresso’ by Sabrina Carpenter. He said, “Mom, you’ve gotta stop with the 80s music and keep up with what’s trending!” He told me it was blowing up on TikTok.
The first time I heard it, I thought, whatever, it’s just okay. The second time? Not bad. By the third time? I was singing along! Now, it’s one of my favorite go-to songs. See? That’s the Mere Exposure Effect at work!
How It Plays Out in Dating
The same thing can happen in dating. You might meet someone and feel like it’s just fine—not bad, but no instant love story.
Maybe you’re not rushing home to call your bestie and say “I’ve met The One!” That’s okay! We live in a culture that glorifies instant chemistry, but sometimes the best relationships start off slow.
One of my best friends went out with this guy five times and still wasn’t sure she was feeling it. She called me ready to throw in the towel, but I convinced her to give it one more shot.
Well, guess what? On the sixth date, she became smitten. SIX dates! And they’ve now been happily married for almost 20 years. It just took some time for that connection to blossom. The Mere Exposure Effect in action, folks!
But… Here’s the Caveat
Now, I’m not saying you should always force a second date. There’s a big caveat to this advice: if you felt disgust or real discomfort on the first date, listen to your gut.
That gut-level ick feeling is your body waving a big red flag, and trust me—it’s not going to go away. If you’re feeling grossed out or seriously uncomfortable, that’s your cue to move on, no second date necessary.
Should You Give Them Another Shot?
If the first date left you feeling neutral—like it was fine, but not fireworks—my advice is to go on a second (and maybe even a third) date.
Sometimes chemistry takes time to develop, and you might just be surprised by what grows. But if it was a hard nope from the get-go, trust that instinct and don’t waste your time.
Remember, it’s about keeping your heart open but also honoring those gut feelings. Dating is a process, and not every connection is going to be immediate. But that doesn’t mean it won’t be worth it.
Here’s to love—and to giving things a second chance!
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