Let’s be real—dating can feel like a never-ending rollercoaster ride, especially when it comes to figuring out exactly what you want in a partner. You’re trying to balance between “not settling” and keeping your expectations realistic. But here’s a question we all need to ask ourselves from time to time:
Are your expectations for your future partner too high?
I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, “I deserve the best!”—and yes, you absolutely do! But sometimes, we need to hit pause and do a little self-reflection. Because if you’ve been single for a while and haven’t found “the one,” it might be time to take a look at the checklist you’ve built for your ideal partner.
Let’s Talk About Your Non-Negotiables
First off, I want to say this—having standards is important. You should never feel like you have to settle for someone who doesn’t meet your core values or basic needs. We’re talking non-negotiables here, like:
- Kindness
- Honesty
- Emotional maturity
- Shared goals and values
These are things that should stay on your checklist. If you’re clear on your values and know what you need to feel secure and happy in a relationship, that’s not being picky—that’s being smart.
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Now, What’s on Your “Nice to Have” List?
Let’s move on to the part where things get a little tricky. We all have that “perfect partner” image in our heads—the one who checks every box. But ask yourself: how many of those boxes are truly essential for a fulfilling relationship? Does he need to have a six-pack or an advanced degree to make you feel loved and supported? Probably not.
Here’s the thing: life is messy, and love is even messier. Sometimes, the person who turns out to be your perfect match doesn’t look like the person you pictured in your head. But they might be even better.
What Are You Bringing to the Table?
Now, let’s get real for a minute. It’s easy to create a long list of what you want in a partner, but have you taken a step back and asked yourself if you’re bringing those same things to the table?
Here’s a little exercise for you: Make a list of everything you’re looking for in a partner, then rate yourself in those areas on a scale from 1-10.
- If you want someone who is interesting, ask yourself—are you interesting? Do you keep up with current events? Do you travel or have passions that make for engaging conversations?
- If you want a partner who is active and fit, how important is physical fitness to you? Do you prioritize being active in your own life?
Look, you don’t have to rate yourself a 10 in every area—that’s unrealistic. But this is a moment of honest reflection. If there are areas where you’re not meeting your own expectations, think about what else you’re bringing to the table. Maybe you’re not the most adventurous traveler, but you’re nurturing, supportive, and a great listener.
It’s about balance. And sometimes, acknowledging where you can grow can actually open up new doors in your dating life. We’re all a work in progress, and the key is being open to growth, both for yourself and your future relationship.
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Be Open to Surprises
Finally, here’s a little nugget of truth: love doesn’t always come in the package we expect. The more rigid we are about our expectations, the more we limit our chances of finding a great match. Be open to meeting someone who surprises you—someone who may not tick every box on your original list but who adds incredible value to your life in ways you hadn’t imagined.
Bottom Line? Stay True to Your Core, but Be Flexible
At the end of the day, there’s no “right” or “wrong” when it comes to setting standards in dating. But sometimes, loosening the reins a little and being more flexible on the smaller stuff can lead you to someone who truly makes your heart happy.
So, are your expectations too high, or are you just focusing on the wrong things? It’s worth thinking about. Let’s start with some self-reflection, and who knows—your perfect match might be closer than you think!
